'Avatar' wins Golden Globe for best drama.... How the fuck did that happen?

Before we give you the only critique you will need to read about this appalling over hyped story of

“US baddies attempting to exploit and steal the natural resources of a colony of space niggers who don’t even know they’ve got them,

we explain why it won a “Golden Globe”

OK so if this film is as bad as the Smugboard claims, why did it win a “Golden Globe”?

“The people and multinationals who fund Hollywood demand a re

turn on their $500 million investment” simple as that.

In its favour the special effects in Avatar are stunning, so much so that, feeble minded people have started naming their children after the films characte

rs, this is more likely to be those who have half caste broods and feel a sudo African name is more appropriate and will look better on the benefits claim form than “Jordan” “Brittany” “Ryan” or “Callum”

So what is Avatar all about?

The Plot:

US big business has stripped the world of all its resources so it is casting its net wider into space for new sources of who knows what!

Enter this massive US space prospecting or mining company (It is never made clear) that seems to have been equipped by the US military and appear have enough hardware and technology to overthrow their clients but we are not supposed to notice that!

They realise Alien worlds are likely new sources of “resource” and in true good ole US style decided that sneaking in and trying to con the owners out of the goods is the best way to approach the problem, this is achieved by using a machine which can create clones of the local populous (Avatars Clever huh!!) who are controlled from pods by the US space

prospecting or mining company.

Of course those who are being used as Avatars have not been checked out before hand (Oh please!) and turn out to be the kind of treacherous Muppet's who will immediately go native! Which of course they do, leaving said US space prospecting or mining company with no course but to follow standard US policy and invade with massive military force to protect what is rightfully the property of the US! That being t

he Space Niggers “natural resources” named Unobtainium!

Thrown into this melt you have the “All American hero”, the US caring educator (ugly annoying bint from Alien), the amusing geeky tech sp

ecialist, the meglomanic US para military leader,

the sexy pilot who sees the path or right against wrong (attractive bird big knockers) the greedy mining ops boss, The wise old space nigger leader, the space nigger warrior who hates “All American hero” (he has spotted he is an alien banging the best looking Space Nigger in the tree) but he finally approves of “All American hero” (who incidentally tames the biggest baddest flying monster that in all their history no space nigger has never ever managed to tame!! and which is unsurprisingly hot rod red)

Finally we come to righteous daughter of Space Nigger leader who has to show “All American hero” the ropes, who of course falls out with said hero but of course finally goes over like a one legged old lady on a frosty morning (no doubt creating yet another half caste in the process)

Anyway the climax arrives where “All American hero” now leads the Space Niggers who seem to be set on Kill Kill Kill (no change there) in an all out defense of their tree (yep they live up a tree so no change there either!) with bows and arrows against what seems to be a force of such force they really couldn’t fail, but of course all the animals in the space jungle join in and give the US a good kicking for a change.

Avatar is a mixture of every American film you have ever seen (all the plots from American films are transferable because all Hollywood commissioning editors are about 16 years old! but this just takes the piss) we can prove this, see the story of Pocahontas below!

BUT it is World Cup year and all those big US multinationals do want you all to go to Africa and buy their drinks hotel rooms etc and they play a huge part in funding these films so they let the spades win this time!

Mix in the worst dialogue I have ever had the misfortune to sit through, and you have Avatar the most expensive, most over hyped, most poorly directed, most poorly acted, heap of SHIT EVER to crawl out of toilet known as Hollywood.

Labours latest recruitment drive launches in Nigeria

Labours latest recruiting poster is proving to be VERY well received in its trial territory Nigeria Africa it will eventually be rolled out in a wide variety Third World Shit Holes .

In an effort to ensure their message reaches every shit bag in:-
Somalia
Nigeria
All the west African States
Morocco
Algeria
Albania
Bosnia
Croatia
Serbia
Turkey
Bulgaria
Romania
Pakistan
Saudi Arabia
Iraq
Iran
Afghanistan
All these particular shit holes will all have their own native language variants (All other scum infested rat holes including Luton, Bedford, Birmingham, Leicester and Bradford, Southall ,Tottenham and Brixton use the English language version) just to be certain that not one Noncing, Poncing, Criminal no mark, Sponger, slips through the recruitment net, remember all of these wankers are of course potential Labour voters.

We should point out that this is the early version of Labours recruiting poster the later UK version points out that each sponger will also receive FREE MONEY a HOUSE and an extensive list of Asians who will employ them on the "Black" as soon as they land and that is of course BEFORE they even have a chance to start dipping their AID's infested wicks in a rape fest!

So you you tax payers, just make sure you keep doing your returns, Labour cant keep giving the "needy" a free ride if wont give them the cash to pay for it!

Remember there is nothing the Nig Nogs like better than dat jiggy jiggy ting!

Islam the religeon of peace

Muslims the world over tell us Infidels the non believers, that Islam is the religion of peace, and try to convert as many of us possible to their way of life. The pictures below confirm

You cant believe a word a Muslim tells you.

Next time the politicians tell you not all Muslims are terrorists remember these images and make up your own mind!

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside ………………..anywhere but in the UK

Reported by Sky news 07:23, Friday July 13, 2007

Hefty Cost Of Holidays Put Brits Off

Holidaymakers may want to take their breaks in Britain but the cost is putting them off.
Instead, Britons find it cheaper to fly abroad.

Prices too steep
Nearly 20% would like to reduce their carbon footprint by taking a break in Britain rather than going abroad but find that UK holidays are too expensive, a survey by insurance company More Than found.

All told, 49% of the 1,973 people polled reckoned holidaying in the UK was too pricey, with 20% believing resorts are not as friendly as those abroad.

A total of 45% were concerned about carbon emissions produced through flying abroad, but 22% of all those surveyed see no alternative to foreign travel unless UK costs come down.

Asked to consider UK locations, 38% said Cornwall was too expensive, while 28% believed Devon was too dear, too.

"Although we are all being encouraged to think green, our research reveals that the cost of holidays in this country is a huge barrier," said “More Than's” Mike Holliday-Williams.

As usual they seem to have missed the real issues

No one outside Islington gives a toss about the carbon footprint when booking a holiday, what they do care about, is the fact you can have a weeks holiday in Egypt for exactly what you will pay for a damp unkempt hovel on the Northhumberland coast for the same period.

You can be 90% certain the weather in the med will be good

You can be 100% certain it will be piss poor in the UK

No one wants to share a rain lashed beach front shack with obese Chav parents on income support, shovelling burger chips and beans down the throats of poorly mannered shaven headed 11 year old Daren’s, and 9 year old Chantelle look-alike Britney’s


So to sum up
The UK resorts are pricey,rundown, and full of fat chavs who spent this years income support savings on a PS3 upgrade and a mini motorbike for the kiddies, but who will be “avin some” in Spayn next year

"Religious Unity", an oxymoron!

We at Smugboard believe religion divides and kills more people than it ever saves.

However the latest missive from “The Vatican Inc” is clearly designed to reassure it's customers that their “brand” is still the world’s number 1.

Reported in the Daily Telegraph London 11-7-2007

Christian denominations outside Roman Catholicism are either defective or are not full churches of Jesus Christ, the Vatican has reaffirmed.

A 16-page document released by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which Pope Benedict XVI once headed, described Orthodox churches as true churches, but said they are suffering from a "wound" since they do not recognise the primacy of the Pope.

Whilst we have Churches, Temples, Synagogue’s, Mosques etc we can never have real human understanding and peace.

British Justice? Don’t make us laugh…..

Sky news has just reported “Four men convicted over a botched suicide bomb attack on London have been jailed for life and must serve at least 40 years each”

Yet again the British public are let down by weak leaders and a pathetic self serving judiciary.

Life should in this case, should mean exactly that, they must stay in prison until they come to the end of their pathetic lives NOT just 40 years,

They will still be able to commit further atrocities even at 70 years of age, after all a 70 year old suicide bomber has even less to lose and even more reason to want to get to paradise and all those lovely virgins in a hurry!

Islam the religion of peace?

The Islamic cleric Ayman al Zawahiri (who is also Al Qaeda's second-in-command) has made a speech threatening violence upon the UK.
Zawahri's 20-minute speech was entitled Malicious Britain and Its Indian Slaves,
Osama bin Laden's deputy lashed out at Britain for having awarded a knighthood to Rushdie last month, saying it was defying the Islamic world by granting the honour to the author of The Satanic Verses.
The book sparked worldwide anger when it was published and led to Iran declaring a fatwa on the author and encouraging people to kill him on the grounds that he had offended Islam.
Addressing Prime Minister Gordon Brown, the Egyptian-born militant said Britain's strategy in the Middle East "has brought tragedy and defeat upon you, not only in Afghanistan and Iraq but also in the centre of London".
He then says: "And if you did not understand, listen: we are ready to repeat it for you."

Islam the religion of peace….. Yeah Right!!!!!

When all else fails…..

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The very worst kind of hypocrite

Alistair Campbell has today told Sky News.
“the death of government scientist David Kelly "was one of the worst moments of my life."
But clearly not quite bad enough, to make the avaricious git quit his highly paid "job" getting Bliar off the hook though was it!

We say "stop trying to be re-admitted to the human race, just because you want us to buy your tawdry book you maggot".

Airport Security

Airport security in the UK is currently a complete waste of time, there is evidence that terrorists can walk onto planes with explosives without challenge, we are unable to reveal our sources but it is unfortunatly true!

Like we always say pay peanuts and get monkeys, the only people with any faith in this charade are 1. The terrorists and 2.The security companies, who are making nice fat profits, enjoy your flight!!!!

"Ohmygod"

As this phrase seems to have made its way into common usage by our youth, We feel it needs defining.

"Ohmygod" = My role models are airhead minor celebrities, therefore disregard anything I utter after "Ohmygod" as I am a moron

Northern Showers

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