"Flood defence chiefs 'should pay back bonuses'"

Well well well what a fucking surprise, the pigs (“Tony Cronies”) have had their noses in the trough again. So not only do we pay through the nose for useless leadership of the Environment Agency, we then pay the idiot in charge a huge bonus! Thank god someone had the good sence to make their greed public! now we all know they couldn’t arrange a bunk up in a brothel get them gone NOW.

The directors of the Environment Agency have come under growing pressure to repay huge bonuses they were awarded days before the worst floods of modern times.

Environment Agency chairman Baroness Young was paid £24,000 bonus

Baroness Young said water bills would have to rise to pay for additional flood defences

Details of the five-figure payouts were slipped out at the end of last week, on the last day of Parliament. This triggered accusations of a cover-up and exacerbated anger in the worst-hit areas of Britain where 340,000 people still have no running water.

The Labour peer Baroness Young, the agency's chairman, was paid a £24,000 bonus, 15 per cent of her £163,000 salary, the agency's annual report disclosed. Eight more executives, including the director of water management, received bonuses averaging 10 per cent.

On Saturday, in an interview in The Daily Telegraph, Lady Young said water bills would have to rise to pay for additional flood defences.

Last night she defended the agency's record and the payment of performance-related bonuses, saying that the organisation had done what it could in the face of an "extreme weather event".

"Catholics to harvest virtual souls in Second Life"

The shareholders of “The Vatican Inc” the worlds self professed “No1 Religious Brand” must be delighted to hear that the “Company” is not sitting idle and letting virtual souls slip through their fingers!

These people are not only greedy, misogynistic control freaks, they are barking fucking mad.

Courtesy of the UK Daily telegraph

Missionaries have been urged to scour the virtual world of online computer games in an attempt to convert cyber souls.

The instruction has been made by Father Antonio Spadaro, writing in the Vatican-approved journal La Civiltà Cattolica.

He wants Catholics to go online and take part in the simulation game Second Life in an effort to convert some of its eight million participants.

Second Life players create virtual versions of themselves, known as Avatars, and can buy, sell and interact with other users in a vast computer-generated world accessed by the internet.

Father Spadaro’s concern is that users find themselves free of the constraints of regular life and sin has flourished in the various towns which make up Second Life.

Gambling and prostitution are rife and millions of real dollars exchange hands between players every year.

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In some countries, such as Germany, where virtual misdemeanors can constitute crimes, the authorities have already been called in to investigate claims of paedophilia in the online world.

“It is not possible to turn a blind eye to this phenomenon, or offhandedly pass judgement glorifying or condemning it,” said Father Spadaro. “Instead it must be understood...the best way to understand it is to enter it and live inside it to recognise its potential and dangers.”

John Lester, of Second Life producer Linden Lab, said: “I think it’s a cool idea for folks to want to make sure that their side of spirituality is being represented.”.

Second life claims to have more than 8 million "residents" and is home to companies from Adidas and Calvin Klein to BMW and Vodafone.

Take your holidays in the UK

Said Gordon Brown our fat unelected Scottish Prime Minister,

Well Gord given your governments total inability to recognised a flood danger, even when warned repeatedly by those one the ground over the last 10 years. You go find a bit of the UK dry enough to have a holiday on you stupid self righteous cunt!

Gord, Fuck you, and my carbon foot print I am off the the south of France in a gas guzzling car .

ps I bet you lot wish you had given the local councils the money they asked for for flood defences when they wanted it, dont you? you short sighted losers!

Rot in Hell you CUNTS

We were delighted to hear from the BBC (who else!) that they were alarmed to hear, that murderous bastard Dhiren Barot, who at his trial at Woolwich Crown Court Barot was described as a determined terrorist who prepared meticulous plans for al-Qaeda figures on a series of synchronised attacks in the UK.

These included exploding gas tankers hidden in limousines, flooding the tube network and a radioactive "dirty bomb".

He was jailed for life, with a recommendation that he serve a minimum of 40 years, but this was reduced to 30 years following an appeal.

has been the target of an assault by fellow prisoners. What is appalling is that we have to rely upon criminals rather than our judiciary to dispense proper justice.

We can only hope this is the first attack of many painful experiences they have in store for him, But more importantly it will send a clear message to these evil cowards, that they cannot expect to attack our civilised way of life, then rest easy in our prisons whilst waiting for the virgins, which they will never see.

How stupid can they get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Home Secretary in a bit of a mess

Well well well the hopeless bint, our unelected Scotts Prime Minister foisted upon us as Home Sec is in a bit of a pickle again.

“yes I took drugs at university, but it was wrong and I never really enjoyed it” oh and by the way dont any of you lot go around using them its illegal you know!

"I think in some ways I have learnt my lesson and I have a responsibility as home secretary now to make sure we put in place the laws and the support and information to make sure we carry on bringing cannabis use down, which we are doing," she told GMTV.

I cant see too many people taking her seriously from now on, especially when she has to reclassify cannabis back as class B.

As we said before we would love to see her try to park a car.

Nice one Gord!!!!!!!!!!

Au Contraire!

Sky TV Wednesday 18th July
There is a "systemic failure" in the way TV broadcasters operate their premium rate phone services, an Ofcom inquiry has ruled.

What a load of nonsense the TV company's have been operating there lines exactly as they wanted them to work, maximise profit at all costs and stuff the mugs who fall for it!!!!!

Shock Horror! 14-year-olds 'use cannabis daily'

The buggers broadcasting cooperative today covered the following "story"
Teenagers as young as 14 are using cannabis every day, according to a study by Queen's University Belfast.

The researchers found about one in 10 cannabis-smoking teenagers they surveyed were using the drug daily.

Dr Patrick McCrystal said cannabis use at a young age could lead to mental illness and other problems.

"These young people are telling us that by the age of 15 they have moved beyond experimental or recreational use of an illegal drug to more sustained usage."

it is now 18-07-2007. We knew about this 20 years ago! so 20 years on and no doubt a couple of million quid given in research grants to professional students UK Gov Inc now is in possetion of the same knowledge.

START LISTENING to those who can see clearly and STOP WASTING OUR TAX POUNDS, start providing so many COMPULSORY to attend state funded out of school activities, that the slack jawed indolent mongrel youth of the UK simple has neither the time or the energy to get stoned

UK 'needs clear space strategy'

According to the “UK Gov Inc”

The Hook:
The UK government needs to develop a more coherent strategy on space, or risk falling behind other countries, a House of Commons committee has warned

The Truth:
Our MP’s are starting to feel a bit embarrassed when talking to their peers in the US and Europe when they find out how much kudos and reflected glory they are milking out of their respective “Space Programs”.

So they are going to invent a reason to spend millions and millions of UK tax payer’s pounds on a nice high profile project that will allow them to puff out their little chests at the next meeting of the great and good!

The only commonsense strategy:
There is only one strategy for”space” that will actually benefit those who create afore mentioned tax pounds.

Find some nice empty “space” near towns and spend some of the tax pounds on affordable hosing for key workers and some nice new efficient hospitals.

Then find some more “space” nowhere near a town and build some much needed prisons

How stupid do they think we are?

No Opposition here!

So against the advice of the party on the ground, Mr Cameron has foisted upon the conservatives of Ealing Southall a hand picked candidate who:

1.Was not even a member of the conservative party until days before being unveiled as their candidate

2.Donated £4,800 to Labour only last month at a high profile labour party fund raiser.

3.Was photographed with Tony Blair at the same Labour fund raiser.

Good to know the current Tory leadership are every bit as efficient as their forerunners, still in the comming 50 years it will take them to get their act together they will be able to continue to learn how to govern with little more than spin.

We alos wonder if the gentleman concerned will be sticking with Indian tradition and crossing the house as soon as a better option appears on the other side?

Lovely people these clerics

It seems some members of the church are unhappy that they can be investigated in the same way as other members of society! Well try putting yourselves in the place of children who have been abused! This is typical of all clerics “don’t do as we do, do as we tell you”

The worlds self proclaimed no 1 brand “The Vatican Inc” is just about to settled a $600 million claim against them for child abuse by members of its “sales staff” in the US and that’s just the customers who bothered to complain!

Courtesy Sky News

A "strong and vocal" lobby of priests who believe that the system for dealing with allegations against them leaves them "exposed" and "vulnerable" and is a breach of Canon Law and natural justice

If you do it in Gods name..........

You can do what you like,

When it comes to murdering people Saudi Arabia is in a leauge of its own yet we do little about it (We had no problem in getting rid of that awfull murderer Saddam Hussain though did we!) must be all the arms contracts and cheap oil the Saudis oblige us with!

But the righteous Al-Saud's justice system are abou to kil a young girl who was not even allowed a lawyer at her trial!!!!


"The workers commit big crimes against Saudis," said Suhaila Hammad of Saudi Arabia's National Society for Human Rights.

She said the number of executions had risen because crime had increased. She said that prisoners were treated humanely and that beheadings deterred crime.

"Allah, our creator, knows best what's good for his people," she said.

"Should we just think of and preserve the rights of the murderer and not think of the rights of others?"

Again they twig too late

We spotted the connection between Sattellite Dishes, take aways, off licences, illiterate unruly kids and council estates years ago. But it seems even our elected leaders think there may just be something in our view!

Sky News Reports

Children from poorer families have become "screen kids" - with nearly all having a television in their bedroom, a report has warned.
Poorer children watch more television

It said youngsters from deprived areas spent "substantially" more time in front of the box compared with their wealthier peers.

Some nine-year-olds quizzed picked out soaps, reality and horror shows as being among their favourites.

And there are fears TV and computer screens are used as "electronic babysitters".

The National Consumer Council found half of affluent children had televisions in their bedrooms, compared with 97% of the nine to 13-year-olds questioned from deprived areas.

Children from poorer areas were also six times more likely to watch TV during the weekly evening meal.

And around a quarter had the television on at lunchtime on Sundays, compared with one in 30 in better-off neighbourhoods.

The NCC's Watching, Wanting & Wellbeing report linked increased TV viewing hours with greater exposure to marketing and higher levels of materialism.

Chief executive Ed Mayo said: "Today's children are now 'screen kids'. In some streets, every bedroom has a television for children and many have a computer."

Children in more deprived areas were most likely to watch commercial television and TV shows made for an older audience.

And they also had greater levels of unsupervised access to television and the internet.

Gordon's upsetting "New Labour"

If you read our recent post about UK holidays, You can imagine how totaly fucked off the politico inhabitants of Islington must be, now it seems Tuscany is off limits,

God only knows how little all those little Jaccanda's and Marchello's will cope having to tell their little chums back at prep school they had to hoilday in "Britain"

Me thinks there may be a few lawyers going back to practise after the next election "God its bad enough having to serve an ungratefull public, but having to holiday with the tedious peasents as well, really is beyond the pail"


Anyway whilst we are pissing ourselves laughing,
Below is what Fat Gord has done to upset them all so much courtesy of "The Spectator"


Scarcely eleven days since he strode into Number 10, Gordon Brown's ministers are already feeling the cold winds of change. The Prime Minister has let it be known that he expects them to follow his example by taking their summer holidays in Britain.

"We have been made aware that Gordon would like us not to holiday abroad, as he wants us on tap during his first days in Number 10,

" one disgruntled member of the Government whispered to Mandrake at The Spectator summer party.


"Many of us booked our flights months ago and it will cost a fortune to cancel them now and organise new ones in this rain-sodden country, but it looks as if we shall have little choice in the matter."

Flat Rip-Off

Ever had a sausage McMuffin at McDonalds? Since when has a sausage been flat like a burger? Even in the land of brain-dead presidents and the second amendment they wouldn't call this two-dimensional monstrosity a sausage, so what right does that spastic pedophile Ronald McDonald have to go against the grain?

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside ………………..anywhere but in the UK

Reported by Sky news 07:23, Friday July 13, 2007

Hefty Cost Of Holidays Put Brits Off

Holidaymakers may want to take their breaks in Britain but the cost is putting them off.
Instead, Britons find it cheaper to fly abroad.

Prices too steep
Nearly 20% would like to reduce their carbon footprint by taking a break in Britain rather than going abroad but find that UK holidays are too expensive, a survey by insurance company More Than found.

All told, 49% of the 1,973 people polled reckoned holidaying in the UK was too pricey, with 20% believing resorts are not as friendly as those abroad.

A total of 45% were concerned about carbon emissions produced through flying abroad, but 22% of all those surveyed see no alternative to foreign travel unless UK costs come down.

Asked to consider UK locations, 38% said Cornwall was too expensive, while 28% believed Devon was too dear, too.

"Although we are all being encouraged to think green, our research reveals that the cost of holidays in this country is a huge barrier," said “More Than's” Mike Holliday-Williams.

As usual they seem to have missed the real issues

No one outside Islington gives a toss about the carbon footprint when booking a holiday, what they do care about, is the fact you can have a weeks holiday in Egypt for exactly what you will pay for a damp unkempt hovel on the Northhumberland coast for the same period.

You can be 90% certain the weather in the med will be good

You can be 100% certain it will be piss poor in the UK

No one wants to share a rain lashed beach front shack with obese Chav parents on income support, shovelling burger chips and beans down the throats of poorly mannered shaven headed 11 year old Daren’s, and 9 year old Chantelle look-alike Britney’s


So to sum up
The UK resorts are pricey,rundown, and full of fat chavs who spent this years income support savings on a PS3 upgrade and a mini motorbike for the kiddies, but who will be “avin some” in Spayn next year

"Religious Unity", an oxymoron!

We at Smugboard believe religion divides and kills more people than it ever saves.

However the latest missive from “The Vatican Inc” is clearly designed to reassure it's customers that their “brand” is still the world’s number 1.

Reported in the Daily Telegraph London 11-7-2007

Christian denominations outside Roman Catholicism are either defective or are not full churches of Jesus Christ, the Vatican has reaffirmed.

A 16-page document released by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which Pope Benedict XVI once headed, described Orthodox churches as true churches, but said they are suffering from a "wound" since they do not recognise the primacy of the Pope.

Whilst we have Churches, Temples, Synagogue’s, Mosques etc we can never have real human understanding and peace.

British Justice? Don’t make us laugh…..

Sky news has just reported “Four men convicted over a botched suicide bomb attack on London have been jailed for life and must serve at least 40 years each”

Yet again the British public are let down by weak leaders and a pathetic self serving judiciary.

Life should in this case, should mean exactly that, they must stay in prison until they come to the end of their pathetic lives NOT just 40 years,

They will still be able to commit further atrocities even at 70 years of age, after all a 70 year old suicide bomber has even less to lose and even more reason to want to get to paradise and all those lovely virgins in a hurry!

Islam the religion of peace?

The Islamic cleric Ayman al Zawahiri (who is also Al Qaeda's second-in-command) has made a speech threatening violence upon the UK.
Zawahri's 20-minute speech was entitled Malicious Britain and Its Indian Slaves,
Osama bin Laden's deputy lashed out at Britain for having awarded a knighthood to Rushdie last month, saying it was defying the Islamic world by granting the honour to the author of The Satanic Verses.
The book sparked worldwide anger when it was published and led to Iran declaring a fatwa on the author and encouraging people to kill him on the grounds that he had offended Islam.
Addressing Prime Minister Gordon Brown, the Egyptian-born militant said Britain's strategy in the Middle East "has brought tragedy and defeat upon you, not only in Afghanistan and Iraq but also in the centre of London".
He then says: "And if you did not understand, listen: we are ready to repeat it for you."

Islam the religion of peace….. Yeah Right!!!!!

Oh England how you have failed us……….

We can no doubt look forward to compensation claims from each of the murderers convicted of the 21-7 London Bombings.

No doubt these will be submitted on the basis that, the UK education system has infringed their basic human right to make a protest, by failing to ensure they had a proper grasp of mathematics prior to being allowed to leave school.

We believe the sentencing they will receive will be inline with the UK’s new tough stance on terrorists.

100 hours community service a piece and free legal advice to prepare their appeal against this outrageous miscarriage of justice.

When all else fails…..

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The very worst kind of hypocrite

Alistair Campbell has today told Sky News.
“the death of government scientist David Kelly "was one of the worst moments of my life."
But clearly not quite bad enough, to make the avaricious git quit his highly paid "job" getting Bliar off the hook though was it!

We say "stop trying to be re-admitted to the human race, just because you want us to buy your tawdry book you maggot".

Where there's muck there's brass

First UK gov Inc went to the food manufacturing industry,telling them all to, “cut out the amount of plastics and packaging used to wrap our foods” "its getting pricey to get rid of" ,and fucking embarrassing for phoney Tone and the boys at European summit meetings, when the Jerrys, brag about how much greener they are than us Brits, "Piss off tone" they said, just remember who keeps your council house dwelling supporters in cheap chips and Turkey twirls.

So they went to the supermarkets, "not whilst we have a hole in our arse's, Tone do you know how much we generate of UK Gov Inc in tax"? you can Fuck off


Shit thought Bliar, what now, I cant handle another ribbing by that smug German bint ???????

I know said fat Gord, lets “invent” a tax on rubbish, "Steady Gord" said Phoney Tone, "the proles already pay for that in their rates", "Fuck Em", said fat Gord

And guess what................ he did

You will soon be paying twice as much for less! Remember this little tale when Labour come knocking for your vote!!!

The shape of things to come (Unfortunatly!)

Please not the time and date of this news bulletin its critical Saturday, 30 June 2007, 19:27 GMT

Three car bombs yesterday! and now an attempted suicide bomb attack in Glasgow at 15.00 today and only now the clueless bint our unelected PM has appointed "home secretary" tells us the following.

The UK's national terrorism threat level has been raised to "critical", Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has said.

Good god love, Stop dithering we all knew that yesterday morning! best you stand down now whilst we have some civilians still alive.

Clearly we are in deep shit if we ever go to war, I would love to see her try to park a car!!!!!!!!

Brought to you by a spineless UK Leadership Misogynist Terror

Coming to a town near you misogynist terror

As al-Qaeda sympathisers were seen as the No1 suspects behind the massacre plot, a security source said: “They would have known the club would be packed with women.

“Western women are viewed as immoral — and legitimate targets. They do not cover themselves up like Muslim women and are seen as decadent.”

What lovely people these cowardly misogynist Islamic fanatics are! and our so called "leaders" do what? they call upon the tacit supporters of these murderers to condemn them (which they do grudgingly about three days later BUT with the proviso its all the fault of UK foreign policy)

I am certainly getting fed up with their murderous antics, but all is not lost.
They and their tacit supporters can be curbed through the ballot box its up to you all to tell the parties that come knocking for your vote (I am NOT advocating the BNP etc)

“Make Islam harder to follow in the UK” mandatory registration and personal documentation of all members of Mosques in the UK would be a good start. If people want an Islamic state let them go and live in one, They wont because they do not get the same freedoms we allow them in the “ decadent” UK these people are the ultimate hypocrites.

Tell our so called leaders we want something done about ISLAM in the UK

Why is the UK crap at tennis?

Here’s why, it’s all down to the “tennis club” system that operates in the UK.

Tennis clubs are not there to promote competition, they are there as a place for “nice middle class” mothers to put their often “horse faced” female offspring on display under the pretence of “sporting “activity.

The ultimate aim is to pass Susan or Claire off onto some equally unprepossessing Nigel or Simon. It's the British class system at its worst.

The tennis establishment have absolutly no intention of allowing those aggressive inner city kids in on the game, sure they would be winners, but how on earth could any club refuse them entry on the traditional “as we don’t know what standard you play at we would have to play you in” grounds?

And after all some of them might be black! worse still they would never know how to behave in polite company,and as for the rules on tennis whites only God forbid!

Sure we dont win very much, but its all about the right people competing NOT the winning.

No its much better to keep things as they are,your safe clapping that nice Tim and his lovely girlfriend, AND you have no worries about HIM turning up at your club and stealing watches in the changing rooms.

Prison Overcrowding ( A New Approach to the problem)

The current Labour government has come up with a novel approach to the problem of prison overcrowding. The answer? Let the prisoners out and hey presto no more over crowding! This is much cheaper than building prisons and it looks great in the statistics.

When challenged on this barmy idea, the new Justice Secretary Jack Straw has defended the move, saying criminals freed early would be "carefully selected" by prison governors.

We were under the impression these self same criminals had originaly been "carefully selected" to reside in our prisons for set period of time by judges?

It seems to us that we should now be bypassing the courts altogether, and have entry to prisons decided by prison governors, It could be a bit like sitting the entrance exams for Eaton, you do a written paper and then face a board in a verbal examination this will ensure that only the right "TYPE" will be allowed entrance, after all the governors will not want bookings going down due to incompatibility amoungst their "guests" will they!!!!!!

Bush on Blair: 'He Was No Poodle'

President Bush has paid tribute to the "very talented" Tony Blair and rejected claims the outgoing Prime Minister was his poodle as "silly ridicule"


We agree G Dubya, phoney Tony can be far more accurately described as a "Remora".

Remora grow up to 30-90 cm long (1-3 feet), and their distinctive first dorsal fin takes the form of a modified oval sucker (how appropriate!) organ with slat-like structures that open and close to create suction and take a firm hold against the skin of larger marine animals

The remora benefits by using the host as transport and protection and also feeds on materials dropped by the host

A bit like the UK dragged along by the USA then we get merely the crumbs off their table when they divide up the valuable construction and oil contracts amongst themselves

Protests rage over petrol rationing in Iran

It seems that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is doing such a good job in managing the economy of Iran angry Iranians have torched petrol stations in protests against the sudden imposition of fuel rationing in one of the world’s most oil rich nations.

And he wants to blow Israel off the face of the earth! we think he will achieve his aims of a nations destruction sooner than he thinks, starting with Iran.

The whole world loves a winner!!!!!!!

Imigration is Good for the UK (if you follow these simple rules)

All Immigrants to the UK should now be made to agree to sign a document agreeing to the following.

1. They agree to serve in HM services or a newly formed Civil Corps for a minimum of two years.

2. They agree that they cannot draw any social benefits including free use of the NHS and authority funded / subsidised housing until they have been paying income tax in the United Kingdom at the appropriate rate for a minimum of two years (four years for those bringing more than one child into the UK, Six years for anyone bringing more than two children to the UK)

3. That they understand that should they undertake any activity deemed to be threat to the security of the United Kingdom during the next 25 years of their residency they will be prosecuted for treason, and either permanently expelled upon completion of their sentence, or their remains sent to their country of origin for burial at their relatives expense.

4. They agree to learn English at their own expense, and should they or members of their family fail to attain a “decent” standard of spoken and written English within three years they will automatically forfeit their right to remain in the UK.

These simple points should not prove to be a problem for any one who genuinely wishes to come to the UK to adopt our way of life, after all what other reason would anyone have for coming here?

Airport Security

Airport security in the UK is currently a complete waste of time, there is evidence that terrorists can walk onto planes with explosives without challenge, we are unable to reveal our sources but it is unfortunatly true!

Like we always say pay peanuts and get monkeys, the only people with any faith in this charade are 1. The terrorists and 2.The security companies, who are making nice fat profits, enjoy your flight!!!!

Secular Education

We feel that France has taken the correct stance on all things religious in their education system, they have banned ALL outward signs of religious worship, the Turban The cross, the Star of David and the Hijab, Nijab and Hiab have all found their rightful place, IN THE HOME if only our leaders were not so scared of the shrieking religious zealots so prevalent in the UK, we might also take a mighty step towards tolerance.

"Ohmygod"

As this phrase seems to have made its way into common usage by our youth, We feel it needs defining.

"Ohmygod" = My role models are airhead minor celebrities, therefore disregard anything I utter after "Ohmygod" as I am a moron

Gorden Brown

An unelected prime minister? I don't think so you interfering scottish wanker.

BioFools

Do these self-righteous wankers who run their cars on Biodisel really believe they are saving the world, or do they like to just give that impression? Either way, they can fuck off, because palm oil is the main contributor to deforestation in SE Asia, and palm oil is the main source of biofuel.

Phoney Tony wants to be a middle east peace envoy!!!

How thick skinned and arrogant can one wanker get.
We took a survey in the middle east (Iraq) our survey said.......
Fuck Off

George Galloway

Now wonder this revolting racist little lefty cannot see his constituents have two faces, he is too busy behind them kissing their arses

Northern Showers

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TURNCOAT OPPORTUNIST

How can an MP Quentin Davies being a prime example swap horses mid course?
These people would have us belive, they want to govern us using their strong heart felt pricipals as justification of their right to do so.
He must have known what the tories were all about when he joined!
We smell TURNCOAT OPPORTUNIST here